plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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