That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
