i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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