Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
