they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
