She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
