not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
