Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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