Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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