some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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