i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
