Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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