what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
