Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
