I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
