She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
