oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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