Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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