If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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