no, he came in my armpit
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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