I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
