I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
