But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
