You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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