What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize