I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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