I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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