I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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