I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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