I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
