i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
