Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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