end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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