Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
