dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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