If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize