i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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