I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize