so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
