Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
