I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
