for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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