If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
