i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
