so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize