Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You left your phone here
Wait...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
