she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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