So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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