I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
