I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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