I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
