Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
