i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I checked into jail on foursquare
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
