so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
