I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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