I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
