so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
