Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
