Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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