So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
