her vagina looked like bernie madoff
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
