that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
True strength comes from lack of pants
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
how drunk are you?
Several
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
