You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
no. you can't hotbox the world.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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