Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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