I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
