I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
