just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
