I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
