I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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