smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
