There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize