I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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