oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
